I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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