I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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