im drinking this country out of the recession.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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