i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize