one might say we're banned from that church
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
