well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
