I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
