Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
