yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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