yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
