speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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