Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
