I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
