You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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