wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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