I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
