we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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