im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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