I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
