just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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