I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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