Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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