Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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