paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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