I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
