90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
