I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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