Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think my moral compass just broke
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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