i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
