I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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