Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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