His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
