I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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