It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
