Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
