no, he came in my armpit
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
