is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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