i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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