its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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