They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
