But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
