Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize