apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
