you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
