did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize