Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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