...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
