Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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