you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
