By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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