she was so not down for the gang bang
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
