I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize