why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
