maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
