I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
