Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
