ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
