You smell like stripper and shame
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
