Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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