People in love make me want to vomit
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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