guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
