Your tits are I can't wait for
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
