just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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