He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
