who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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