idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
