why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
