my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
