Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
