Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
