I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
