apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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