We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
