I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
