Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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