and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
