jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize