I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
