I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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