hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
